i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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