You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
