I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
