Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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