It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
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high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
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How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
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