I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
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It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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