Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
