After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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