Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
