i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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