I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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