I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I have post one night stand depression
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