Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
