he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Come see our sink grown plant.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You ruined the universe
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
