Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
