Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
