I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
