Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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