My sheets look like a crime scene.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
