ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
