I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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