you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Randomize
