ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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