Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
