i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Randomize
