I don't think brook has ever known best
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
i've created a new STD.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
