i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I smell like Dick and happiness
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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