Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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