Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
