when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
