what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
