the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Randomize
