I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
