hotel room ftw
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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