i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Just invented taco cereal.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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