Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I touched a dick in church today
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
