Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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