u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
