I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
