you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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