I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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