He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
not ubering you a puppy
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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