he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
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Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
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so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Shame is for Republicans.
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