She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
