Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
