Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
