Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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