I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
