I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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