went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
