before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
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It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
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You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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