I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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