I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
