Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
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