Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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