i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
