i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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