Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
either way he was missing a nipple.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
