I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Randomize
