Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
