uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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