Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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