Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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