I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
