Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
