im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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