If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
