Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
