Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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