I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I pour the whiskey from now on
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
