remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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