either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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