stop calling my apartment porn island.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Bring me that man meat
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
